Just my luck

Legends can be told about my journeys from Bulgaria to the UK. There’s hardly a time when everything has been unproblematic in my return to Aber. The first time I came to Britain I missed my train, I had to buy a new ticket, and I spend the entire day running around train stations, desperately trying to reach a platform with only few minutes remaining. Other times I’ve missed the train by simply not staying at the right place. And of course there’s the nightmarish 4-day journey through Europe when a certain volcano decided it didn’t want its lava anymore. This time was no exception. Fortunately, I was flying from a different airport where there was no fog, unlike the one in our capital, so my flight didn’t get cancelled. Landing in London Luton, getting my luggage, no problem with that. My friend and I were supposed to get a bus to Milton Keynes where we had to get a train. The bus of course was 10 minutes late, and when we arrived at Milton Keynes, we thought the train station is right next to the bus stop. Oh, poor naive us (I wished for not being naive and this is what I get). We entered something resembling a train station that turned out to be a mall. After losing about 10 minutes in there, we asked a guy for directions. The man was kind enough to offer us a ride to the station, since it was nowhere near us and our train was leaving in 10 minutes. So we decided to ignore the rule “Don’t get into the car of strangers” and got on. His two little daughters summed up the situation like this: “This is so scary, on so many levels.” Scary or not, we reached the station, and the running began once again. Right at the stairs leading down to the platform, out of nowhere appeared a crowd going up. And here I am, once again with a big heavy suitcase and a backpack, trying to go down through a wall of people that didn’t seem to have an end. And right when I got down, the train left. At that point we were on the verge of crying, imagining how we finally have to spend a night at the train station. There was another train for Birmingham leaving in 20 minutes, but that wasn’t the problem. The problem was that at Birmingham we had to catch the train to Aber, the last train for the evening, and instead of half an hour we had no more than 5 minutes. I’m definitely not religious, but I believe someone was watching over us, because the lady on the train, the ticket-collector, was kind enough to check where the train leaves from, and told us that we could get off on the first stop in Birmingham, instead of on the one we had to. The thing was that the train to Aber happened to be leaving from that first stop, and since all the platforms there are at one level, it would be a lot easier to find ours. So we prepared for a lot of running, each of us grabbed a handle on the suitcase, and as soon as the door opened, we launched outside, got into the elevator, went on the other side of the station, down the stairs…. and we even had time to wait in the train. But we made it. Had we gotten off at the other station, we would have missed it, without a doubt, because when the train got there, it was 2 minutes early, and left 2 minutes early. And we could have missed it by those 2 minutes. But we made it. It cost us a lot of energy and strength, and my palms still hurt from dragging the damn suitcase, I limp when I walk from all the running and exhaustion… but I’m home. Now I’m looking ahead of studying for 3 exams, writing another report, having to find a job and an entire second semester waiting for me to screw up. And I admit that there are times when I want to just give up and quit everything, but I’m gonna make it. I keep going, no matter how hard it is. I certainly haven’t reached the point where I’ll draw the line, not yet. And having said that, it’s time to study, I wasted a lot of time writing here and procrastinating.

Joe the Homicidal Maniac

I have a name day today – Happy Name Day to me! It is a bit strange – celebrating my name while everyone calls me Joe… To some extend it explains why almost no one remembered it. Anyway, I don’t really care.
4 days left till I go back to the UK – I don’t even feel sad this time. I already saw that it’s not worth staying here for that long, except for my family. And I’m missing my friends there, at least there they don’t judge me as much as people do here.
Speaking of judging, I think I’m becoming keen on playing pool and that’s another reason to go back to Aber and start playing with my friends. A friend started teaching me here and at least I’m not level 0 anymore. I went playing with my dad today, ‘cause everyone else has already left for university. I will not repeat this activity. First, he let me play a few times in a row instead of taking turns. Then some braindead kids came and sat right next to us and started staring at me. And I got nervous. I could hear them making comments and laugh and dropping coins on the floor. I knew they wanted to play, and there were two other tables available that they could have used, but nooooo, they had to stare at my hands while playing… and missing. I was nervous enough that I can’t play well yet, I didn’t need a group of little idiots to mock me. I wished for a gun at that point. And I hope they sucked at their game more. Too bad I don’t know any Latin, I could have said something scary to their faces. >:D
Since I am a very boring person, this concludes today’s blog posting. Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!

Year of the Rabbit

Well Happy New Year, everyone! I hope everyone who’s reading this had a good time, ‘cause I didn’t. What, are you surprised? It’s me after all, I’m rarely having a good time. This year (or last year, as of 3 days now) showed me a couple of things: that every time I come home there are less and less things to be coming back for; and how one person’s death can split the family. For the first part, all I can say is that apart from my parents and exactly 3 people I can call friends here, there’s no point coming home each vacation. Not anymore. I lost a lot of friends and people I used to consider more than friends, people for whom I would choose to stay and live in my country after graduation. Now that they’re gone, I see that there’s nothing to do here, almost no one to go out with…. nothing. What I feel good about is being with my parents and sleeping in my own bed in my own room. If someday I take them to live with me, I probably wouldn’t even come back anymore. My cousins have grown up too, one of them is attending high school in another city, her parents are considering moving, because apparently my aunt can’t stand living with her own mother. And speaking of them, this brings me to the second point. On New Year’s Eve I felt once again that I don’t belong – among my own family. My cousin had friends over so she completely cut me out and I had to move in the next room with the “adults”. No one from our relatives came, not even for Christmas. My great grandmother’s death was a very powerful weapon for dividing everyone. No one cares that much anymore. It wasn’t a very pleasant night, really. I felt like crying at midnight, the fireworks were nothing to be happy about… My mom and I went to the town center after 12, and left after 20 minutes, seeing it was a total boredom. I was in bed at 3, and there were times when I stayed up till morning. Nothing is like it used to be. I wish I was a child again… but I doubt this resolution would ever come true. Adult life sucks big time. Oh, and before I forget, here’s the list:

1.AFI – Midnight Sun
2.AFI – Jack the Ripper
3.AFI – Girl’s Not Grey
And there’s a bonus: 4.AFI – Prelude 12/21

All by AFI…. well, what do you expect, it’s the Year of the Rabbit! Let’s hope that at least this will bring me luck this time.

Goodbye, 2010, you were a bitch!

A few years ago, when I was still in high school, my New Year’s Resolution was to be a little less naive. Well, that came true and I turned out to be a lot more mistrustful than I wished for. And thinking about the past 2010 and what has happened, I see why I don’t let many people close to me anymore. If I have to recap again – I fell in love for the first time, and got my heart broken as a result; I had a job for the first time; my great grandmother passed away (I dream about her often, she always tells me she’s watching over me); I began my second year in university; I lost a few friends and gained some new ones… A lot of firsts when I look at it. Now, with less than 8 hours remaining till midnight, my New Year’s Resolution this time is to be a little more trusting towards new people. I wish to have the will to let more people in and to see that not all of them are bad and want to hurt me. I wish that despite all the pain, I’ll have the courage to move on and keep only the good memories. Wish everyone who has the misfortune to read this a successful New Year and all the happiness in the world! I’ll be back tomorrow (if I don’t forget) with the first 3 songs listened to in 2011. Only one year left till Judgement Day if you believe in that, so make the most of it!

I’ll still be here, I promise

Okay, first off – Merry Christmas, everyone! I wish everyone to be happy now and all year round, and to have the strength to endure the tough moments when they become unbearable. As my own tradition, I’m posting my short version of The Night Before Christmas, weird style. xD And after that, I have a surprise.

'Twas the NightMare before Christmas, when all through the loss not a creature was stirring, not even a ghost. The stockings were hung by the chimney without care, in hopes that Sandy Claws soon would be there... But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight, "Terrible Christmas to all, and to all a good fright!

Now, my surprise is that I finally wrote a new scribble! It’s a Christmas miracle! Most of it is old stuff that I stitched together with some new, but the point is that my “dry” period is over… for now. I wrote it two days ago, buuut was too lazy to post it then. So enjoy the scribble and happy holidays to everyone!

Our most dearly departed perfect lost souls;
Our most favorite of all little porcelain dolls:
We don't usually pray, but for you we'll make an exception -
may He take his revenge, burning your immaculate conception

We are the children of the no-ones-at-all
We're the children of those who decided to fall
We're poets accursed, renting rhymes to each other
We're cited references in a book read by another

The scars on our bodies are our diplomas
The next step is our new home
A new wall of fame to give them the honours
A year or less and then we'll be gone

We like to watch you from afar,
we love to feed on your pain
But we're really hoping that you die, we are,
so we'll never have to cry for you again

We're half-winged angels, created by smoke
Our hearts weren't meant to last forever
A day came and they eventually broke -
It is sad in heaven when you're living in terror...

Angels' hair grows white
once angels see the darkness in His light
So now we travel your land
with snow and ice, hand in hand

And when we're happy, we cry,
when we're sad, we smile.
When we're born, we die,
we're only here for a little while

We don't know where we are today
We don't know if we'll have tomorrow
We only know that we were betrayed -
here, we give you our song of sorrow

We'll play with thunder,
we'll kiss the sea,
until the waves put us under -
an ocean bed for us there'll be

As our last gift, let us honour you
with the only promise that we won't keep -
when the rest of the world walks out,
we'll be the first ones to leave

Prelude 12/21

I think I forgot to mention I’m home. Yeah, I was busy being happy, sorry about that. But I’m really grateful I managed to get home safely despite the bad weather. When I saw the snow in the morning on the 17th, I wanted to drop dead, really. We were supposed to get to the airport by car, but then we heard the motorways were closed and there were crashes, so we bought last minute train tickets. Seriously, those British have no idea what real snow is! They panic by the sight of 2 cm and all transport freezes – literally! Anyway, the train was late with 15 minutes, but it could have been more, so that’s okay. The problem was there were around 100 people at the station, and the train had only 3 coaches - we barely manage to jam in. A few stops later they attached two more coaches so we were able to find proper seats and have an actual room to breathe. But because of the delay, and the fact it took 15 minutes for everyone to get on the train at the station, we missed the next trains, and had to switch 4 other trains. Luckily, our tickets worked for all routes and we were at the airport in Manchester at around 11pm, our flight was at 6:45 in the morning so we had plenty of time to sit around and wait. Flying from Manchester was the best decision I’ve ever made. The only cancelled flights there were for Amsterdam and London, but everything else was okay. Our flight was one hour late, but it wasn’t because of the weather, it was something to do with the crew – our guess was they were still drunk and needed to get sober. xD Everything ran smoothly from then on, we landed in Sofia, my mom was waiting for me, we got a bus home and I arrived in my town around 8pm. I hadn’t slept for almost 2 days, but when I got home, I was fresh as a flower. I cried when I saw the lights and everything… I may sound like a baby, but I love my town – as small as it may be, as rude the people may get – it’s my home and nothing’s gonna change that.

By the way, today is the day the world is supposed to end, two years from now, according to the Mayans. BUT, it is also the day of winter solstice, which means it is officially winter now. I choose to ignore the first fact and focus on the second one. As I’m writing this, it’s not 21st anymore, but who cares – it’s winter! I wish it would snow again, because it started melting and it’s rather slippery on the streets, and I would really like to make a snowman and go to a sleigh ride again. That’s what I did my first day here, on Sunday – went sleighing with the kids, because I am one big kid inside!

No scribbles yet, but I’ll try to write one as a Christmas present – so the next post will come in around 3 days. Good night for now.

Life stories

I can now say I am officially DONE with my final report for the semester! And I even went over the word limit – for the first fucking time! Now let’s hope I’ll receive a good mark, ‘cause otherwise I’ll anathemize celebrities forever. I only have 3 Wikis left to write, but they’re piece of cake, so I’ll have no problem with them. And I have one last seminar next week, so I’ll have to read a little bit for that too, BUT the big thing is done! I’m submitting it tomorrow and start breathing free air again. 6 days left till I go home, so please, Mother Nature, don’t make it snowy, or foggy, or rainy, or icy, pleeeeaaase! I recycle regularly, please be kind to me! Okay, that was a bit weird, but She’s the only one you can’t control, so…. exactly. I forgot what I wanted to say. Or maybe I didn’t have anything else to say. Yeah, that’s it, I just wanted to shout that my report is DONE! I’ll try to write something the next few days, if I can.