Don’t worry, everything’s going to be okay

Dreams are a weird thing, aren’t they? Just like everything else, I’m torn in two about dreaming. I recently watched a documentary about why people dream and what dreams mean. And that plus everything I’ve learned in my three years of studying psychology tells me the logical reason is that dreams reflect our biggest fears and innermost desires. But then there’s the illogical side that tells me there’s more to it. One thing I always wonder is when I dream about people I’ve never met in my life – do they dream about you too without never having seen you? Or when I dream people who have died – do they really send you messages in sleep or is it your mind playing tricks on you? ‘Cause if it’s the latter, I’m really sick and tired of my brain making me wake up crying every other night. I’m writing this because it happened again this morning and I didn’t want to forget it. My great grandmother died two years ago and since then I think I’m the only one in my family who has dreamed about her. And every time she tells me something comforting. First time I dreamed about her she told me she believes in me. Second time I was running from an insane serial killer and she told me she’d protect me. Third time I was visiting her in something like a dormitory and she said she was living there now. The fourth time was kinda nasty, because she was already dead. And this morning when I saw her, she said: Don’t worry, everything’s going to be okay. And then she died in my arms. I’ve found myself many times talking and praying to her instead to a made up god, as pathetic as it sounds. And while logic tells me it’s not real and it’s all in my head, I want to believe she really is watching over me. But still, waking up with a panic attack crying your eyes out is not cool. Anyway, I’m letting my crazy spiritual side take over now, so I just wanted to say – thank you, grandma. I love you and I miss you.

Manchester, a ping-pong ball, and a New Zealand wine

I’m still not dead, don’t worry. Just forgot I have a blog. And I didn’t have anything interesting to write. Not that I do now – just thought I might update it before it gets deleted. So, what’s new… not much, really. I had a very lazy spring break. The only exciting thing I got to do was visiting a friend in Manchester for 4 days. And I got to see Afflecks Palace, or in other words – my gothic heaven. Four hours spent there, around weirdos like me – my idea of good time. After Manchester I had to focus on my last two essays for this year and for this university. I had to – didn’t say I did. I finished the last one just today. I thought I’d feel nostalgia or something – no more lectures, no more essays… well, at least for now. But I guess I’d be sad when it’s really over. Besides, I still got my lovely final exams. And graduation in July… which reminds me I need to rent my freaking toga already. Okay, now I feel sad. Mostly because the people I’ve used to see for 3 years will be gone, just like that. So I really hope I’ll find a job here so I can stay one more year and hang out with them some more. Aber’s really not that bad, if you don’t count the extremely low percentage of chances to get a job. So somebody please prove me wrong, I don’t wanna leave! Aaanyway… yeah, that’s pretty much all I had to say for now – complete nonsense. I haven’t written anything since the last scribble, because I was preoccupied with parenting styles and the Cold War. Some combination, huh? Come to think of it, the Cold War was a really harsh parent – let’s hope that it taught us well enough not to repeat it mistakes.

P.S. – the New Zealand wine kicks ass, I recommend it to everyone!