Happy Dirtday to you...

Last B-day guy for this year - Happy B-day to Jared Leto, my favorite actor and frontman to one of my favorite bands! (which I haven't listened to in ages) It must be cool to be born on Christmas... but personally, I would prefer being born on Halloween. Unfortunately, I wasn't successful in waiting another 15 days in my mom's belly. Happy holidays to everyone, again, and have a great B-day, Jared!

HO-HO-H....ahgjk.. *coughs* I'm not drunk, I'm just sort of sick... I always hit the right time. Now - it's 12:08 am on December 25, so... Merry Christmas to everybody! Or, how Walter said it - "You're jewish? - Happy Hanukkah! You're black? - Happy Qwanza! You're an atheist? - have a nice day!!!" The last one goes for me, I think... xD Here's something I totally messed up, but if you know me, you'll know it's my style.

'Twas the NightMare before Christmas, when all through the loss not a creature was stirring, not even a ghost. The stockings were hung by the chimney without care, in hopes that Sandy Claws soon would be there... But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight, "Terrible Christmas to all, and to all a good-night!"

12/21

I finally decorated my Christmas tree today... Ironic, isn't it? That leads me to saying Happy End Of The World Day... 4 years from now... or something like that. We'll see. Don't really care right now. What I DO care about right now is that I fiiinally got into the Christmas spirit. I've been putting off the decorating for 2 weeks, 'cause I know some of my friends did it then. But I personally wasn't in the mood... oh, and there's the part where I was lazy (yeah, yeah, I know). But today we pulled out the tree and the decorations from the wardrobe where they sleep for the rest of the year... and surprisingly found out we have TWO trees! The one we knew about is the little tree we decorate every year. I've been whining about taking a bigger one for 3 years and today my mom and I were shocked to see another, bigger tree next to the other. That's when the Christmas thingy got me. Isn't it pretty?! Miracles happen around Christmas... or on December 21st!!!

JTHM

What a day! I finally got my package from my friends from the Dominican Republic - and they've sent me the first edition (22nd printing) of Johnny the Homicidal Maniac! I was about to get a heart-attack! Even though I secretly wished for an AFI cd (cause there are NONE here! >.< ), this was amazing as well. They made me a collage with phrases from my poem Possibilities of the unknown, which is here somewhere in the posts. And also both of them wrote me two letters and sent me the book we made for our Mondialogo project, which I'm about to see right after I'm done here. Man, the minute I saw the message from my mom that the package is here, I left school, went to my mom's job and back for 5 minutes. I was out of breath in the end, but it was all worth it. Now I have a new comic to read! Yaaay! And to Izzy and Leo: Thank you, guys! From the bottom of my black little heart - thanks you bothered to do something like this for me! Love ya! Hugs and kisses!

Walks In The Shadow...

... And a goodbye-kiss... :D Joking. The new scribble is just Walks In The Shadow, I wrote it... today, obviously. It's dedicated to a friend of mine, we're on kinda bad terms with each other now, but I hope everything will get better. I mean, I wrote a whole scribble for him! So there it is, enjoy.

It never rains in your part of the world
It's never green on your side of the street
You put your nightmares in tales to be told
Then put the mask and start talking to me

I don't want to decorate my words
I see no point - they're gonna rot and blur
Lies may last, but I can't lie to you
And where's my own mask - I don't even have a clue

They don't want us in heaven, they don't want us in hell
Our souls are free agents, cast away by their spell
An unspeakable magic soon to be decomposed
A righteous misdeed turned down before it's proposed

You begin where I fail
You succeed when I can't
You can look beyond the veil
While I'm passing there as I meant

We had a colour of our own
But how could they even know?
Since they made away with it all
In empty space now we fall

I'm done here for now and I will leave you at rest
But I'll come back here some day, and take you as my guest
Show you round, under dead branches, where there's no living bird
And a colour of your own that doesn't cover the dirt

P.S. - Apparently we're not on bad terms anymore :D

Static Silence

Wow... a week and a half of not posting and not annoying anyone. It was great, but it's over - sorry. New scribble on the way - it is my first one whose name is mentioned in it - never thought I'd do it, but here we go. So what happened for almost two weeks - I got into London After Midnight - great music, Sean's a great looking bastard of genius! Almost 300 plays for a week and a half. Anyway, about the scribble - it is about everyone who has ever confided in me. Aand plus, I wasn't very much in the mood, so this is what I came up with.

Oh, I keep all your ten thousand secrets
Your biggest desires and your deepest wishes
I am static silence carried by the breeze
And for your haven of rest I ask for no fee.

Still, there is one thing you should know -
As long as they're here, with me, on my boat
I'm carving their doomed fate in the dark
Ask for no reason, search for no stars.

I'm chosen to destine their destinies now
Don't you back down, you should have learned how
A proven denial, hesitation of mind
Lay them at rest, you left them behind.

Freedom of will has not been found
You gave me the keys and buried it in the ground
Another mistake, the static is broken
The secret's unspoken 'cause silence is golden.

Happy Dirtday to you...

Lots and lots and lots of birthday guys this month. I wanna say Happy Birthday to Jade, AFI's guitarist, so - HAPPY B-DAY, Jade! Don't worry, I won't say what AFI did for me again, I just wanna wish him all the best and to hurry up with the freaking album, 'cause I can't wait!!! And the quote from The Cruxshadows is valid here too. Have a great day today, I know I will - after school's over, with lots of AFI and Blaqk Audio ^^

Yaba-daba-doo

I hear it's Thanksgiving day today? Well if someone wonders what I have to say about an American holiday that I don't celebrate, read along. Well, imagine that, our wacko English teacher said she wants the school to start celebrating it! Hellooo, this is not USA here! Does she even know the story of Thanksgiving? She said the students have many things to be thankful for, like the school itself, cause it's the only foreign language school in the region. Anyway, I still think she's insane. But if I could use this day just to thank for something (not that people need a special day for that), I would say 'thank you' to my family, to my friends for putting up with me, but mostly... the big 'thank you' would go to the ones who literally saved my life - thanks to them I'm not lying 6 feet under now. I've said this thousands of times and I won't get tired of saying it, 'cause it's true - yes, AFI saved my life, so thank you, guys! Thanks for being there and making that wonderful music of yours, it helps people! Happy holidays to you, too, and to everyone who celebrates today!
P.S. - Try not to kill so many turkeys today, ok?

6 steps of post-traumatic stress

EXTRA, EXTRA! New scribble today! Get yours for free here! ^^ I've been thinking of this lately and finally put it together. When people suffer something traumatic, they go through 6 different steps before they recover. I thought it'd be a good idea to use them as a scribble. Oh, this also belongs to the Untitled ones.

DENIAL - When you know they're gonna put you on their trial!
ANGER - How to return a letter when you don't know the sender?!
FEAR - What you feel when your world is gonna disappear!
GUILT - Don't you think all the blood has been unduly spilt?!
DEPRESSION - When you cry 'cause there's no use of your aggression!
ACCEPTANCE - When you're helpless to admit your own dependence!

First snow and Happy B-day!

Lots of birthdays this month... So happy B-day to Ville Valo, HIM's vocalist! If I could make a wish instead of him, it would be he would stop smoking and drinking, but naaaaah..... it would probably never happen... but one can dream!!! I'm off celebrating with lots and lots of HIM songs. Oh, by the way - it's snowing here!!! What a better present than that?! I expected it two days ago, but that will do too ^^

Yaaay, it's November 20, it's November 20!!! Not that anyone will see this, but I just want to say happy B-day to my favorite favorite singer of my favorite favorite band - Happy B-day, Davey, I wish you all the best, AFI saved my life - literally! So don't go anywhere any time soon, you and the guys have a few more lives to safe! The best thing to quote here is The Cruxshadows's song 'Birthday', 'cause that's what this band means to me and that's what they did for me and that's MY way to say a big THANK YOU! No scribbles from me, it's time for a real art. Happy B-day again, Davey, and have fun today!

And tell me what really matters
Is it the money and the fame?
Or how many people might eventually know your name?
But maybe you touch one life
And the world becomes a better place to be
Maybe you give their dreams another day
Another chance to be free

Western Hospitality

Went to an exhibition of universities yesterday in our country's f**king capital - the one place I hate more than my home town. It was great, now I'm even more convinced where and what I want to study. We were looking for the hotel where the exhibition was (never, in a million years have I thought I'd ever enter any Hilton hotel) and we asked a guy on the street for the direction. He just said importantly: I don't know! Sheesh... like he sniffed right away we're not from there and probably has a policy of not helping provincials. Half of the population there is NOT native, but once they get there, they turn up their noses. Hopefully, in a year's time I'll be somewhere else and will have forgotten all that. No new scribbles today, but don't worry - the minute I get angry, I'll think of something. Back to the capital - the good thing is I bought a book based on LOST and when I finish Witches Abroad by Terry Pratchett, I'll immediately begin reading it! Hey, maybe I'll write something based on my time there, who knows...

Old Scores

I'm high school senior and I'm overwhelmed with applications about university and all that crap. It's usually not a big deal, but I'm planning to study abroad, in the UK, and being alone, away from home scares the s**t out of me. I haven't been out of the country which sucks for me, but somehow I have to manage with the idea of studying away from my family. There is always the good part - to get away from the town you hate so much and the people who look at you as though you're an alien. That's what my new scribble is all about. Hope whoever reads like it.

Walk in the city of the dead
with no tears left to shed.
Put your thought in it now
as you're going round and round.
All your life you've been here
with many friends not that sincere.
You've pushed, you've been smashed,
you've kicked to the ground,
you've been battled, you've been rattled
with the most obnoxious sound!

Out of mind, out of sight,
prove them wrong - be twice as right!
Spin the bottle, see what it brings
Play the player, guess what it sings
Will you turn? It's up to you.
Will they burn? Just one or two.
Go and overtake your fear
Go, get ready and leave here!

Never, I repeat - NEVER, try to open a perfume bottle with your bare hands. 'Cause you're gonna end up slaughtering yourself. My thumb and my index finger went all bloody and the blood later covered my whole hand. I wasn't scared though - I was more angry at myself than scared, cause it happened for a few drops of some stupid perfume... It went under my skin and peeled it... Ok, ok, I won't continue vividly describing it anymore, cause some may not enjoy the sight of blood. I don't either - just my own. Which is convenient for a vampire-vegetarian... I think...

Yay, Obama won! And they changed my braces, and Obama won, and it hurts so much I can't eat, and Obama won, and I can't stand my teeth anymore.... did I mention Obama won? Well he did! ^^ Congrats to everyone!

Rainbows with no Colour

Yyyeeeaah... something's got into me and I came up with a very depressing scribble (yeah, like the others aren't depressing). Just so you know, it belongs to the Unfinished ones and it doesn't have a name (or doesn't deserve one).

Every drop of blood - for when I was alone
Every single scar - for another broken song
Every vivid nightmare - for every lost "no more"
Every little tear - for every nail in my head
Every dark room - for every word unsaid
Every closed drawer - for any monster under the bed
Every moment alone with my sorrow - for another colourless tomorrow
Every worthless day spent - for the ones I never met...

Trick or Treat?

A whole year of bulls**t is worth this one single day - HAPPY HALLOWEEN EVERYONE!!! To all the witches, ghouls, ghosts, skeletons, goths, vampires, pumpkins and children with stomach aches because of too much candy - THIS DAY EVERYTHING GOES!!! No scribbles today, I'm off listening to my Halloween playlist and watching The Nightmare Before Christmas! Careful with the spirit boards tonight, peace out!

*starts singing 'This is Halloween, This is Halloween, Halloween, Halloween, Halloween, Halloween...*

Too Much or Not Enough?

Does anyone even read this? Doesn't really matter, I feel good just writing it. So - "Too Much or Not Enough?" is the last thing I've written recently. A friend of mine told me horror punks would like it - so, horror punks, come read to prove him wrong! :D

Time and weather - getting cold
And a horizon out of sight
And, oh, the sky looks so old
And the metal sun keeps shining bright

You feel tired and loose your belt
Loose your mind and future itself
Let's loosen the boarders and open the gates
Let's break all the fences and make way for the monster parade

I get signals of a picture motion
Coming from your lack of space
My, my, my, without a notion
you just leave and spit on my face

No contribution, lack of production
You've let too many cats out of your bag
We are the bringers of our own destruction
So get ready now to face the fucking axe!

Untitled

Man, I loove buying CDs! It feels really good to know you have something original and that you have contributed to your band's popularity (in a good way!). Even if your parents are going to kill you because you've spent too much money on CDs - it still feels GREAT! Believe me, buying CDs in a country where CDs of your favorite bands come seldom is a huge deal - I know I can get them through Internet, but to have them wrapped, with booklets and everything is just.... beautiful *sheds a tear of joy*. ANYWAY, I think it's time to post another scribble - actually, it's a number of scribbles that I've put together because they're too short to be put separately. And when I write something new that's too short, it goes there as well. There's no connection between them, they're written in different time, but, hey, if you want to, search the link between. I am not going to stop ya. :D

I

I'm so tired, yet can't sleep
So downcast, yet I can't weep
Why are ya'll always smiling?
You fucking world is built on lying
Smiles as fake as your plastic hearts
It'll bring you down by playing darts

My forecast is not that bright
So I'm cast away from sight
Laughing, blasting, agonizing,
You're confused? It's not surprising.
If you could see it through my eyes,
your vividness would not revive

*******************
II

I wish I had someone to talk to
I wish I had someone to share...
To share all the pain I was brought to
And give it to someone who can at least fucking care

I try to hold back old tears to go out
As part of my weakness I bring new fears from the past
Looking for someone to have free memories to lend
and going back to 'once upon a time', when I still had a friend

*******************
III

The other night your pain knocked on my door
Dragging, crawling and bleeding on the floor
It was looking for a shelter since you've sent it away
So I took it all in and sadness is the price I pay

You said you never wanted to see it again
So if you look for it, your search would be in vain
Empty memories, left from the middle of last December
I'm so sorry, but I forgot to remember...

*******************
IV

I heard my heart beating in a dream,
where nothing is as it should seem
Beating, then pounding, then raging, as if dying
Until there was silence in the night
Until nothing ever seemed right
I don't know if it was 'cause I was finally beaten
or 'cause I simply ceased to listen

*******************
V

Down, down, down, down, down in the ground
You're gonna rot, rot, rot, rot, rot without a sound
Gonna sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep till all dies
Won't wake up, up, up, up, up till all stops to shine

I'm gonna write my own will surrounded by a crowd
When it's all gone it will be sealed with my own blood
I will leave you all my bones to help you take the test
And gather then the vultures and worms to take the rest

*******************
VI

Is it good to be naive?
Am I naive for being good?
Could you tell me where the evil sleeps
and can you force it to stay put?

You know nothing lies ahead
You know it's better to praise the dead
A spinning image of what has been
A sad story for future unseen

P.S. - Happy B-day, grandma!

For Their Lost Souls + something more...

I had a very tiring day. Never thought that prom arrangements are so... shouting-involved. Also we got introduced to people traffic...again. And it made me think how this could happen to everyone - me, my friends, etc. People are really careless about their lives - if I can quote Tragic Black, they 'live fast and die young'. Moreover, they don't give a crap about the planet - humanity is cruel enough towards itself, why can't we respect our home? Everywhere you look around - it's people killing other people, wars, corruption and capitalism. When you think about it, it's kinda better if you just lock yourself at home and never leave. And again, you would never discover the good sides of life - even though they become lesser and lesser. Anyway, enough depressing thoughts, time for the new scribble - 'For their lost souls'. I don't know who 'they' are, but again - it could be anyone of you.

They felt like they were crucified
They just stood there petrified
All they wanted was to be dignified
They felt like they were crucified...

Home is nowhere now
But to get there - they just don't know how
Such a shame to do this - oh wow!
Home is nowhere now...

Who knows what's wrong and right?
Will they die on the way? - They might
Still they're walking through the night
Who the fuck knows what's good and what's bad?!

Obit (For your consideration)

My PC clock says 11:16 am, so Good Morning to all. Time for another scribble - Obit (For your consideration). That's the one someone told me sounds like punk - enjoy...

I'm not waiting, I'm not crying,
I'm not forgiving, I'm not denying!

I watch ruins, so old, dying
I see tree leaves, so sick, bleeding
I watch insects, so sad, trying
in the mood not to fall sleeping.

I see living, fallen in silence
I see traitors in a strong alliance
I see... iron fists, desiring violence,
but I can't see the end of the madness!

********************

Stare, glare, unprepared
Fall, call, catch the ball
Sit, hit, join the pit
Fill, kill, pay the bill!

Four more will be torn
Many others won't be born
!Que sorpresa! ?A donde vas?
12-21 for us

Tooth for an eye
Heaven says goodbye
Aqua wants to fly
Ravens drown in sky

Possibilities of the Unknown

Won't leave you alone now! I'm beginning to post all of my scribbles already written hoping it's not too boring or..erm - depressing. It's just that I can't write anything when I'm happy. My muse comes when I'm melancholic and/or angry and thus it results in something that sounds like punk or gothic. Generally, when I'm...eeerm - lost in a muse :D So! I'm not gonna waste anymore of your precious time and post my most favorite scribble. I called it "Possibilities of the Unknown" and I know that at least one person liked it - they even asked me to give it to them. Sorry, Leo, all rights reserved!

Can you scan a soul?
Can you drink the sea?
Can you buy time?
Can you see through me?

Can you lock a memory?
Can you sell a heart?
Can you paint your pain?
Can you finish from the start?

Can you reinstall your mind?
Can you see a black hole?
Can you make death be kind?
Can you play its role?

Can you heal a mortal wound?
Can you live after you've been hurt?
Can you laugh while you cry?
Can you kill a mockingbird?

Can you undo what's been undone?
Can you cross the sky?
Can you raise a fallen one?
Could you just explain why?!

!Hola, dudes!

Hello, crime fighters! Or whatever-you're-fighting-for, fighters! This is Joe here, welcome to the blog's first post. I will primarily post things that have influenced me during the day (or the period of time during which I won't write), things I have written myself (mostly bulls**t) and so on and so forth. That's it for now, peace out!