Goodbye, 2010, you were a bitch!

A few years ago, when I was still in high school, my New Year’s Resolution was to be a little less naive. Well, that came true and I turned out to be a lot more mistrustful than I wished for. And thinking about the past 2010 and what has happened, I see why I don’t let many people close to me anymore. If I have to recap again – I fell in love for the first time, and got my heart broken as a result; I had a job for the first time; my great grandmother passed away (I dream about her often, she always tells me she’s watching over me); I began my second year in university; I lost a few friends and gained some new ones… A lot of firsts when I look at it. Now, with less than 8 hours remaining till midnight, my New Year’s Resolution this time is to be a little more trusting towards new people. I wish to have the will to let more people in and to see that not all of them are bad and want to hurt me. I wish that despite all the pain, I’ll have the courage to move on and keep only the good memories. Wish everyone who has the misfortune to read this a successful New Year and all the happiness in the world! I’ll be back tomorrow (if I don’t forget) with the first 3 songs listened to in 2011. Only one year left till Judgement Day if you believe in that, so make the most of it!

I’ll still be here, I promise

Okay, first off – Merry Christmas, everyone! I wish everyone to be happy now and all year round, and to have the strength to endure the tough moments when they become unbearable. As my own tradition, I’m posting my short version of The Night Before Christmas, weird style. xD And after that, I have a surprise.

'Twas the NightMare before Christmas, when all through the loss not a creature was stirring, not even a ghost. The stockings were hung by the chimney without care, in hopes that Sandy Claws soon would be there... But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight, "Terrible Christmas to all, and to all a good fright!

Now, my surprise is that I finally wrote a new scribble! It’s a Christmas miracle! Most of it is old stuff that I stitched together with some new, but the point is that my “dry” period is over… for now. I wrote it two days ago, buuut was too lazy to post it then. So enjoy the scribble and happy holidays to everyone!

Our most dearly departed perfect lost souls;
Our most favorite of all little porcelain dolls:
We don't usually pray, but for you we'll make an exception -
may He take his revenge, burning your immaculate conception

We are the children of the no-ones-at-all
We're the children of those who decided to fall
We're poets accursed, renting rhymes to each other
We're cited references in a book read by another

The scars on our bodies are our diplomas
The next step is our new home
A new wall of fame to give them the honours
A year or less and then we'll be gone

We like to watch you from afar,
we love to feed on your pain
But we're really hoping that you die, we are,
so we'll never have to cry for you again

We're half-winged angels, created by smoke
Our hearts weren't meant to last forever
A day came and they eventually broke -
It is sad in heaven when you're living in terror...

Angels' hair grows white
once angels see the darkness in His light
So now we travel your land
with snow and ice, hand in hand

And when we're happy, we cry,
when we're sad, we smile.
When we're born, we die,
we're only here for a little while

We don't know where we are today
We don't know if we'll have tomorrow
We only know that we were betrayed -
here, we give you our song of sorrow

We'll play with thunder,
we'll kiss the sea,
until the waves put us under -
an ocean bed for us there'll be

As our last gift, let us honour you
with the only promise that we won't keep -
when the rest of the world walks out,
we'll be the first ones to leave

Prelude 12/21

I think I forgot to mention I’m home. Yeah, I was busy being happy, sorry about that. But I’m really grateful I managed to get home safely despite the bad weather. When I saw the snow in the morning on the 17th, I wanted to drop dead, really. We were supposed to get to the airport by car, but then we heard the motorways were closed and there were crashes, so we bought last minute train tickets. Seriously, those British have no idea what real snow is! They panic by the sight of 2 cm and all transport freezes – literally! Anyway, the train was late with 15 minutes, but it could have been more, so that’s okay. The problem was there were around 100 people at the station, and the train had only 3 coaches - we barely manage to jam in. A few stops later they attached two more coaches so we were able to find proper seats and have an actual room to breathe. But because of the delay, and the fact it took 15 minutes for everyone to get on the train at the station, we missed the next trains, and had to switch 4 other trains. Luckily, our tickets worked for all routes and we were at the airport in Manchester at around 11pm, our flight was at 6:45 in the morning so we had plenty of time to sit around and wait. Flying from Manchester was the best decision I’ve ever made. The only cancelled flights there were for Amsterdam and London, but everything else was okay. Our flight was one hour late, but it wasn’t because of the weather, it was something to do with the crew – our guess was they were still drunk and needed to get sober. xD Everything ran smoothly from then on, we landed in Sofia, my mom was waiting for me, we got a bus home and I arrived in my town around 8pm. I hadn’t slept for almost 2 days, but when I got home, I was fresh as a flower. I cried when I saw the lights and everything… I may sound like a baby, but I love my town – as small as it may be, as rude the people may get – it’s my home and nothing’s gonna change that.

By the way, today is the day the world is supposed to end, two years from now, according to the Mayans. BUT, it is also the day of winter solstice, which means it is officially winter now. I choose to ignore the first fact and focus on the second one. As I’m writing this, it’s not 21st anymore, but who cares – it’s winter! I wish it would snow again, because it started melting and it’s rather slippery on the streets, and I would really like to make a snowman and go to a sleigh ride again. That’s what I did my first day here, on Sunday – went sleighing with the kids, because I am one big kid inside!

No scribbles yet, but I’ll try to write one as a Christmas present – so the next post will come in around 3 days. Good night for now.

Life stories

I can now say I am officially DONE with my final report for the semester! And I even went over the word limit – for the first fucking time! Now let’s hope I’ll receive a good mark, ‘cause otherwise I’ll anathemize celebrities forever. I only have 3 Wikis left to write, but they’re piece of cake, so I’ll have no problem with them. And I have one last seminar next week, so I’ll have to read a little bit for that too, BUT the big thing is done! I’m submitting it tomorrow and start breathing free air again. 6 days left till I go home, so please, Mother Nature, don’t make it snowy, or foggy, or rainy, or icy, pleeeeaaase! I recycle regularly, please be kind to me! Okay, that was a bit weird, but She’s the only one you can’t control, so…. exactly. I forgot what I wanted to say. Or maybe I didn’t have anything else to say. Yeah, that’s it, I just wanted to shout that my report is DONE! I’ll try to write something the next few days, if I can.

You’re forgiven

I’ve been having a lot of fairytale dreams lately. Maybe all the Disney classic movies from the past week have finally influenced me. I should probably stop watching them so frequently, because lately the only place I feel I’m actually happy is in my dreams. And then I wake up and I’m… here, alone. I also dream about people I’ve never met. For some reason, they seem to like me. In the past few years I began to wonder, if you dream about people you don’t know and have never met, do they dream about you too? I know it sounds stupid and that it’s not possible, but sometimes I really wish it’s true. I also dreamt about writing a new scribble, so hopefully at least this part will come true.

Still one more report left to write. I should really get my hands on it tomorrow, at least it’s my free day. Not that the other ones aren’t, I barely have lectures throughout the week, but it takes me something like 4 hours to get ready, go to university, have my lecture(s) and go back home. Practically my entire day is wasted and when I return home, I’m too tired and/or lazy to do anything. There you go, I said it – I am a lazy bitch. If there only was a module where you can only watch movies and review them. Oh, wait, there IS a module for this – for those who study cinema and television. Well, at least I get to have an insight into people’s sick brains. Speaking of psychology, I had a test today in Social Psychology and this was officially the last lecture for the semester… I think. Well, more free time for Joe to focus on her report.

With risk to be called a sectarian again, I went through the town’s cemetery on the way home this afternoon in total darkness. It’s not because I’m touched in the head, sick, insane or something like that – it’s just a shortcut. I always pass through there when I walk on that road. It wasn’t even scary – I find it very peaceful. I admit that for a moment I expected someone to jump from behind some bush and scare the shit out of me, but nothing happened. If only I could find a job cleaning the cemetery, that would be great. Once again, it’s not because I’m obsessed with death, I just think the deceased deserve a good looking resting place. But they probably have some old lady to do this.

I’ve now run out of things to say. I hope the next time I write here, it would be accompanied with a scribble.