Happy Dirtday!

I’m back to Aberystwyth – I survived the 3-day journey changing one bus with another. Barely, but I survived. We drove around half of Europe, through Serbia, Croatia, Slovenia, Germany, Belgium, France, took a ferry to England and then I spent the last day trying to get somehow to Aber. I’m sure glad that’s over and I hope no volcanoes are planning to erupt anytime soon so I don’t have to go through that nightmare again. I knew travelling by yourself is a pain in the ass – especially when you have to carry a 20-kg suitcase with you. Now I know I’m no good for The Amazing Race. But, as I said, that’s over with, so let’s not talk about it again…. ever. It’s sunny and warm back in Aber and I hope the following month ends sooner, because no matter how great it is here, I realised I love my country more. Or at least the people there. Certain people. Speaking of certain people, I wanna say a Happy Dirtday to Lauri from The Rasmus! All the best to you and the band, don’t stop making awesome music! Love you!

Words for you to keep

I’m not using the next story as an excuse for the latest shit I wrote, but it did have its influence. So what happened? I had the # worst day of my life. I was supposed to fly to London on Thursday at noon, I got on a bus to Sofia at 2 am the previous night, barely slept at all, took a taxi from the bus station to the airport and I paid a fortune, then I entered the airport just to see that my flight is cancelled due to the volcanic eruptions. I was supposed to land in London and a friend of mine was to wait for me and then take me to Portsmouth for a few days where she’s studying. They offered me to change my flight to Friday evening, so I did. I got on a city bus with a friend of mine plus my fucking suitcase and some guy started nagging about it being on a seat while other people were standing. He, of course, was sitting. Then I went to stay at my cousins’ apartment for the night, just to see the next day that my flight is cancelled again. Since no one knew when the ashes will clear, we started looking for a bus or a train to London. I found a bus for Monday morning and got a ticket. Now I’m gonna travel two days to get to London, alone, carrying the damn suitcase, and from there I have to make my way back to Aber… Thank goodness I don’t have seminars this week so I won’t miss anything. But it was (and still is) horrible. I can’t find myself alone for 5 minutes to cry it all out. At least I got to sleep in my bed two more nights before the next nightmare begins. Which brings me to the scribble. I wrote it on the bus from Sofia to my town because I needed to let it all out somehow. And here it is. Wish me luck I reach Aber safely on Wednesday.

 

"Yesterday I burnt the sky,
looked to the ground and wrapped it around me.
Still today I have so much to burn.
Yesterday I longed to die,
fell to the ground,
and the ground caught me.
Now today I question why I fell..."

I burned another church last night
I stood and watched the light and, oh,
                       the light was so bright
People scream and say: Don't you have a heart?
I don't have a heart - I gave it away...

Enough with the drama, the sorrow,
                 and our tear-filled pool -
don't you worry, I am tired too.
"I hope there isn't another life after this"
I don't want to bleed again for someone
                              I cannot kiss

...And you're not alone, my dear -
                  you chose to be
And over my head there'll soon be a stone:
For all the tears not cried for me,
for every single song about,
for every dream and night without,
for the baptized who's not blessed,
for that heart and the girl in a red dress...

You kept saying I'm nothing,
and I became nothing.
You kept saying I'm no one,
here I am - I am no one
You told me to smile - I needed your smile
I wanted to hear your voice for a little while..
but for me the line is always busy
I guess I'm the one you get rid of so easy......

I'm out of weapons - no more bullets in my gun
You can't shoot something when you're invisible
                                  to the sun

"I'm so tired"...
I want to go somewhere and mix water with blood,
because I don't want to live again if you're not around

I burned another bridge last night
The water looked at me and smiled
               and I fell into the light.....

"So what can help me to understand somehow,
why it always pains me to breathe, pains me to breathe?
We're no longer confined because yesterday I burnt the sky..."

April 31st, Part 2

My muse struck me suddenly. I was reading something about stuff we, the children of the 90s, most notably the children of the 90s in Bulgaria, used to do. And it got me thinking how everything is completely upside down now. Like they said in “Live Freaky! Die Freaky!”: Stop the Earth! I wanna get off!!! I want that too… But if it was easy, it wouldn’t be fun, I guess. So, there you go, the “sequel” to April 31st. :]

We were young, we were stupid
But we were happy, we were lucid
We used to stay up late on the streets
Running in the fields is where we used to meet

We used to summon ghosts
holding hands with closed eyes
No, we weren't lost -
we played hide and seek and threw a dice

We used to ride our bikes around
Our laughter used to be the only sound
We used to shelter homeless dogs and wounded birds
Being good, naive and loving was not absurd

We used to go to the beach at night
We used to count all the stars in the sky
We used to see each other and smile in delight
No one told us that this someday will die

I turned around for just a second
and found myself in a malignant place
'Twas not my world of joy, I reckoned
'Twas a place that doesn't judge your heart,
                              but your face

It's a place where you don't belong
unless you get in their rat race
of who's gonna make another broken song
and sell it to be played in space

It's a place where they make a bet -
how many hearts can you break a day?
How many tears can you stake on the set?
It wasn't you who made the game, you say?

A place that's upside down
Where the evil is in fashion
and gets its award in an evening gown
while the good gets laughed at with
                            the greatest passion

Bad people with bad tastes
With bad choices that go to waste
Ignoring love, burying peace
Killing life piece by piece

Darkness, death, hatred, pain -
along the line something went wrong
Sadness, blood, tears in vain -
this is not where you and I belong

We were young, we were stupid
But we were happy, we were lucid..........