April 31st

So I've been thinking of writing something ironic and sarcastic, something fun, and.... I still haven't written it. But I will! I promise, I will, I just need a few more ideas. Instead, I wrote something with the intention to be childishly jolly, but when I finished it and read it, it made me sad. And still does. I don't know, I just came up with it, and it was easy to write, maybe because I have the mind of a 5-year-old and all 5-year-olds dream of simple things that are not that difficult to be done, and still most of them never become true. That's how I came up with the title. And, yes, I know there is no such date - that's exactly what I was aiming at. Have a nice reading, people. :]

Hey, look! It's spring already!
And everything will be fine, right?
Just like you told me?

And the children will be swinging,
they'll be innocent again,
and we'll be dancing like we're crazy
in the fields, under the rain

And we'll be drawing on the walls
like we're 5-year-olds,
and for a day we'll be one,
and for a day no one will fall

And our dreams will come true,
and we'll run with no shoes,
we'll be singing on the roof,
the sky will be completely blue

We won't be scared anymore,
we won't fear anything at all,
stars will lead us with their glow,
there'll be no abysses below

All the troubles in the world
will be buried with three words,
and for once we won't be scums,
there'll be no wars and they won't be whores

Time will stop at 13 o'clock,
no forth, no back, no more tic-tac
Hell and heaven will not matter,
there'll be no before, there'll be no after

And the waves will come to say "Hi"
and the sea won't wash us over by
The sun will keep us warm and dry
we'll chase sunbeams to catch the rye...

Oh, look - it's spring already...
And everything will be fine, right?
Just like you told me.......


P.S. - Hey, I have a bench swing! My mom and I wanted one so much and my parents finally bought it yesterday. We put it together... a couple of times. And then we had to put the swing itself inside 'cause it started to rain, and still is. But it'll be great in summer - I'll have a cool place to read. ^^

Happy Dirtday to you...

Yay, finally a Birthday guy! ^^ Lauri has a Diirtdaay, so Happy Dirtday, dude! It would have been great if their concert here was sometime like... today, but at least I saw them live. Aaaand, that's pretty much it, nothing else to say, except - have many other birthdays, Lauri, and each new one happier than the previous. Aand I hope to see you again at many other concerts... preferably not in Bulgaria next time. Rock on!

Another day, another victim

There we go, a new scribble. The bastard took me 3 hours to finish, but it's done and I don't want to talk about it anymore... at least for now, it gave me a fucking headache.

I try and wonder how they feel, being stabbed with a thousand knives
I've forgotten to remember things I once guarded with my life
Funny story it is, we don't always hold the winning hand
We think we're alive but our souls are long gone dead

Medical surveys say: people generally don't care -
start believing it or vanish - you're poisoning the air
Unaware victims don't need more victims to compare
Snow storms in December don't need rain to cause despair

We don't oppose, we fail,
we wait in line somewhere to enter
Heads down, make no sound, in vain -
all our sins come home sooner or later

Then they tell you, "You'll be judged",
and till you take your guilt no fains are grudged
They make you face their makeshift gods
and live by rules that long ago began to rot

He used to be my quiet friend,
now He is my biggest foe
I cried, I begged, I made amends,
still I got no answer from Him at all.

I never asked Him to die for me,
but that only the Bringers of Light could see
I trust them more than His pathetic plea
He gives nothing but still asks for fee

I am nobody's servant, I am nobody's slave,
I don't want your fucking sacrifice inscribed on my grave!
I need no repentance, I need no remorse
I'd rather freeze in hell than bow down to your cross

They say ideas are bulletproof - ah, what a shame!
You're nowhere to be found to be judged and blamed.
So I won't shoot my gun,
but you watch out - I still may use it just for fun

Happy Easter!

Never, I mean, NEVER, get on a hammock with another person (the neighbours' 11-year-old twin girl to be more precise)! Otherwise you'll fall on your back from approximately 50 cm and for a split second you'll understand what it is to be paralysed. We went to the woods to celebrate Easter with the neighbours and they made us a makeshift hammock. I was on it, listening to music, perfectly calm and chill and all of a sudden one of the mites got on it too and started swinging like crazy, aand... the rest is history. After I realised I was on the ground, I wanted so bad to cry the first 15 seconds, 'cause I couldn't move, I didn't feel the low part of my back, and after that I just started to laugh. 7 people were watching me, what could I do, cry like a baby? And this damn kid didn't even say 'sorry'! Yeah, she fell too, but on me! Now I can't stop ouch-ing every time I stand up, or sit down, or just stay at one place. I'm definitely not gonna last for very long. With my luck, I'll be dead by 25. I won't be surprised if those two little twin devils have something to do with it again! When they moved here 6 years ago, we went on holiday together and they knocked me on the head with a rock while I was snorkeling on the beach and didn't even see them! I was dizzy for an hour. Oh, how I hope they'll get the same thing I got from them. It would be a dream come true if some cuute 8-year-old twin girls move next to their house and they have to be their baby-sitters. The only bad thing is that.... I won't be here to gloat over of joy! I'm a cold-hearted bitch with an enormous backache, and, like Johnny says, "I'm the villain in this fucking story!!!", so I don't wanna hear any complaints!

Whining is a very funny thing too. I'm glad it doesn't happen very often. It's just that loneliness likes to take the floor every once in a while, but I keep it locked up (most of the time). Riiiight... my loan papers for my university fee are filled, signed and almost delivered - but most importantly, done. A friend of mine and I have to make a website for our Information Technologies class so we decided it would be about our beloved future home - Aberystwyth... Man, if I don't type it fast, I forget how it's spelled! :D Good the locals call it just "Aber". I searched for info last night and found a very amusing quote about it: "Aberystwyth - a perfect place for the unambitious people." Still, it has all its Gothic architecture, and seaside, and Devil's Bridge.... I have a pretty selective memory, huh? Boy, no new scribbles and it's been more than a month - I'm losing my "gift". All I have is one line that I'm not angry enough to advance. At least I've been reading a lot lately. Aand, I have a new obsession - when I see money, my first thought is to go to the book store and buy a bunch of... pens. :D :D :D I think I already said that, but nothing wrong with repetition - I indeed bought 3 books with my scholarship, completely spent it 5 minutes after I got it. And I started to read two books at a time. Somebody stop me! (No, really, don't, that's (one of) the best obsessions I've ever had) All the books are by Mr. Pratchett - I decided I'll read "1984" in English when I get to Wales. Now I have 6 books and the whole summer ahead. Oh, did I mention I now have C in Literature? Apparently, our beloved teacher likes to take it out on the whole class because two of her favorite students decided not to go to the national Olympiad. It hurts to be ignored...
Just one term-test left - tomorrow, Spanish, but my brain stopped functioning about anything connected with school months ago. And now, since I'm being constantly distracted, I'm ceasing to write this post, because I began an hour ago. Hey, it's raining outside! Hooray!!!!!!!!!!!!! ^^

Right... I have A on my Literature term test...one of the few who got As... And I have 80 out of 100 points on the matriculation, which is also A again. It's nothing to be extremely proud of, 'cause you know what are "the limitations of standardized testing - you get F, 'cause you don't obey like a circus monkey." And I've definitely been better than now... last Monday problem comes back... Loneliness is eating me inside out.... hm, that's a good line for an emo song. And even though my friends are back at school, they can be really cruel when they want to. They wanted to piss me off as a joke, and they made it, so congratulations to them. They don't seem to realize they're all I have and the only people I can talk to, and when they make something like that and call it 'a joke', it fucking hurts! Fucking highschool.... it ruined all my common sense, if I ever had one. I'm beginning to think it won't be that bad to graduate and leave... I guess I'm the only one who takes things that seriously and gets hurt all the time, just because I can't be cold-hearted bitch all the time - yeah, cold-hearted bitches get tired and hurt too! Whatever, no one need to read my whimpers, so I'm shutting up. Fuck me, I'm a crap.

Spring Break

EMOtional breakdowns are a funny thing. And they're even funnier when you find out they're... what happens every 28 days... I had an extremely bad start of the week. I was all alone (and lonely) on Monday and Tuesday at school, all my friends were having exams, and I had absolutely no one to talk to. Finally on Monday evening I got to the point when I just couldn't handle it anymore and started to cry like a baby. The same was on Tuesday, but we only had 3 classes and I didn't have to stand that dull fucking pain inside for very long. And on Wednesday I finally found the reason for being so fucked up... or the reason found me. Before that I was alone and I cared about it - now even if I'm alone (OR lonely), I don't give a shit. I'm Iron Maiden Joe again, the Ice Queen again, Joe the Homi/Suicidal Maniac again... whatever you choose. My spring break was totally ruined, I didn't go anywhere, I didn't see anybody I wanted to see... There was a possibility to go to Greece with my cousins, but that failed too. The only good thing is I'm getting my prom dress tomorrow (Saturday) I and will take advantage of my mom's shopoholism. One of the few feminine characteristics I have - shopping... and it's a good therapy. Well, that's it. I'm still thinking about writing that story, but without the rhymes on my side, I'm not that certain. I heard from somewhere that you can be a good poet at 15, but to be a good writer you need experience. Well that definitely doesn't apply for my friend, who's an ass-kick writer and he's only 17. But after all, you need to have a gift first, everyone can gain the experience. So... I'll keep thinking. Byezz!