I’m not using the next story as an excuse for the latest shit I wrote, but it did have its influence. So what happened? I had the # worst day of my life. I was supposed to fly to London on Thursday at noon, I got on a bus to Sofia at 2 am the previous night, barely slept at all, took a taxi from the bus station to the airport and I paid a fortune, then I entered the airport just to see that my flight is cancelled due to the volcanic eruptions. I was supposed to land in London and a friend of mine was to wait for me and then take me to Portsmouth for a few days where she’s studying. They offered me to change my flight to Friday evening, so I did. I got on a city bus with a friend of mine plus my fucking suitcase and some guy started nagging about it being on a seat while other people were standing. He, of course, was sitting. Then I went to stay at my cousins’ apartment for the night, just to see the next day that my flight is cancelled again. Since no one knew when the ashes will clear, we started looking for a bus or a train to London. I found a bus for Monday morning and got a ticket. Now I’m gonna travel two days to get to London, alone, carrying the damn suitcase, and from there I have to make my way back to Aber… Thank goodness I don’t have seminars this week so I won’t miss anything. But it was (and still is) horrible. I can’t find myself alone for 5 minutes to cry it all out. At least I got to sleep in my bed two more nights before the next nightmare begins. Which brings me to the scribble. I wrote it on the bus from Sofia to my town because I needed to let it all out somehow. And here it is. Wish me luck I reach Aber safely on Wednesday.
"Yesterday I burnt the sky,
looked to the ground and wrapped it around me.
Still today I have so much to burn.
Yesterday I longed to die,
fell to the ground,
and the ground caught me.
Now today I question why I fell..."
I burned another church last night
I stood and watched the light and, oh,
the light was so bright
People scream and say: Don't you have a heart?
I don't have a heart - I gave it away...
Enough with the drama, the sorrow,
and our tear-filled pool -
don't you worry, I am tired too.
"I hope there isn't another life after this"
I don't want to bleed again for someone
I cannot kiss
...And you're not alone, my dear -
you chose to be
And over my head there'll soon be a stone:
For all the tears not cried for me,
for every single song about,
for every dream and night without,
for the baptized who's not blessed,
for that heart and the girl in a red dress...
You kept saying I'm nothing,
and I became nothing.
You kept saying I'm no one,
here I am - I am no one
You told me to smile - I needed your smile
I wanted to hear your voice for a little while..
but for me the line is always busy
I guess I'm the one you get rid of so easy......
I'm out of weapons - no more bullets in my gun
You can't shoot something when you're invisible
to the sun
"I'm so tired"...
I want to go somewhere and mix water with blood,
because I don't want to live again if you're not around
I burned another bridge last night
The water looked at me and smiled
and I fell into the light.....
"So what can help me to understand somehow,
why it always pains me to breathe, pains me to breathe?
We're no longer confined because yesterday I burnt the sky..."
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