Year of the Rabbit

Well Happy New Year, everyone! I hope everyone who’s reading this had a good time, ‘cause I didn’t. What, are you surprised? It’s me after all, I’m rarely having a good time. This year (or last year, as of 3 days now) showed me a couple of things: that every time I come home there are less and less things to be coming back for; and how one person’s death can split the family. For the first part, all I can say is that apart from my parents and exactly 3 people I can call friends here, there’s no point coming home each vacation. Not anymore. I lost a lot of friends and people I used to consider more than friends, people for whom I would choose to stay and live in my country after graduation. Now that they’re gone, I see that there’s nothing to do here, almost no one to go out with…. nothing. What I feel good about is being with my parents and sleeping in my own bed in my own room. If someday I take them to live with me, I probably wouldn’t even come back anymore. My cousins have grown up too, one of them is attending high school in another city, her parents are considering moving, because apparently my aunt can’t stand living with her own mother. And speaking of them, this brings me to the second point. On New Year’s Eve I felt once again that I don’t belong – among my own family. My cousin had friends over so she completely cut me out and I had to move in the next room with the “adults”. No one from our relatives came, not even for Christmas. My great grandmother’s death was a very powerful weapon for dividing everyone. No one cares that much anymore. It wasn’t a very pleasant night, really. I felt like crying at midnight, the fireworks were nothing to be happy about… My mom and I went to the town center after 12, and left after 20 minutes, seeing it was a total boredom. I was in bed at 3, and there were times when I stayed up till morning. Nothing is like it used to be. I wish I was a child again… but I doubt this resolution would ever come true. Adult life sucks big time. Oh, and before I forget, here’s the list:

1.AFI – Midnight Sun
2.AFI – Jack the Ripper
3.AFI – Girl’s Not Grey
And there’s a bonus: 4.AFI – Prelude 12/21

All by AFI…. well, what do you expect, it’s the Year of the Rabbit! Let’s hope that at least this will bring me luck this time.