The Balance-Sheet

I have facebook now. That’s the accident that happened as a consequence of my birthday. I got so tired of so many people whimpering, “Joe, you MUST have facebook, make an account, we need to know you’re alive, bla-bla-blaa”…. that I ended up making the effing thing. And they won’t leave me alone now – every 5 minutes someone comments something or likes something….. I’ve received around 30 e-mails in a row from facebook since yesterday. The birthday itself was cool. We did go to the beach, but it was too cloudy and all we saw from the sunset was this:

Then we went to a pizza take-away, bought 3 large pizzas and went back to the kitchen in our dormitory. Our flatmates had got me a cake which was really cute, they stayed around for an hour or so and we finally had a picture together.



Then most of them went out, we stayed up till around 3 o’clock slobbering. And my presents – oh, my presents… Before we left Bulgaria, I told my friends I only want CDs and books for presents…. and they listened to me!



Actually, I bought the two above, they were presents from me for me. ^^ And I ordered AFI’s December Underground from the music store. I love to have the opportunity to get the music I want legally. It warms my black little heart… xD

Happy Dirtday to meeeeee

Yaaay, Happy Dirtday to meee! ^^ If you’ve forgotten, I sure haven’t. xD Yesterday I didn’t even want to think about it, but my mood got better after a little shopping…. women. xD My B-day wishes began at 10pm British time ‘cause it was already 12 o’clock in Bulgaria, and when it got 12 here I was just getting ready for bed. 5 minutes after my friend and I had gone to sleep, we heard the whole flat coming in front of our door and starting to knock. When I realized they won’t leave, I opened the door and they began to sing. ^^ It was soooo cuuute… And after that they said: See you in the morning!, and disappeared. I was afraid to tell them I have a birthday, buut my friend did it first… ‘by accident’. Now I don’t even want to think about what could happen here tonight – those people just look for an occasion to get drunk. And I don’t even know what I’m gonna do today – all we want to do is go to the beach for the sunset, but looking at the weather outside, we may never see it. And I’ll get my present(s) tonight, so until then it’s just an ordinary day more or less. Man, I’m still 19! I feel so… tiny. My last teen year – gonna be fun. So what do I wanna wish myself… hm, do well in university for sure, be more courageous, find cool new friends, keep the old ones, get all AFI CDs, ‘cause for now I just have two xD ……. What else…. be happy is the cliche, so it should be said…. ah, of course, go to AFI concert(s), change the world is the other cliche…. That’s it for now. Pray I’ll survive this day. ^^

 

Then tell me what really matters

Is it the money and the fame

Or how many people might eventually know your name

But maybe you touch one life

And the world becomes a better place to be

Maybe you give their dreams another day

Another chance to be free

You won’t be young forever

It’s only a fraction to the sum

You won’t be young forever

Nor will anyone

So look at your life

Who you want to be before you die?

Look at your life

What you want to do?

Look at your life

Who you want to be before you die?

Look into life

It all comes back to you

Haaaappy Birthday, Haaaaappy Birthday………

There’s just the sea now….

I had… probably the worst of all my nightmares in my life. I’m beginning to feel sorry I didn’t take my dream catcher from home. I was in a moving truck or a tank with a few more people, I don’t know if they were soldiers or something, but there were trucks all around us and the people there were shooting at us (this is what I get for studying InterPol), I was just lying down and trying to protect my body. Finally we crossed some line from where they told us would be safe. We ended up on a ferry, which were actually boats and rafts tied together, and I began to look for my mom. Suddenly I heard my father who was in one of the rafts saying: your mother isn’t here anymore, there’s just the sea now… And he said it completely imperturbably, like it was nothing! A few seconds later I saw my mom floating in the water next to the boats. I still didn’t believe it, and went next to her, and what do you think I tried to do? What all people who lose their loved ones try to do – wake her up. But then, fortunately I woke up and realized it’s all a fucking dream. Which didn’t stop me from crying and shaking all morning. I even called my mom to see if she’s ok. Now I’m doing all my best to stay calm ‘cause every time I think about it I begin to cry again. I’m sure it’s not that important for anyone except for myself, but I needed it written down somewhere. At least they say that when you dream about dead people, it brings you good luck…. certainly not on the morning after though!

Sick, Sick, Tic-Tac-Tic

Not the best time to get sick… I guess the damn British weather’s not doing me any good. And my mom… she didn’t even let me finish saying I’m coughing and she raised the alarm. Which of course got me more nervous. The symptom I hate most when I’m sick is being sour – absolutely everything gets on my nerves and you wouldn’t want to be around me then. I hope I’ll get better tomorrow ‘cause I hate when everyone thinks they’re doctors!

Anyway, my lectures began. My timetable is just ridiculous – I have approximately one lecture every day – and I’m studying 3 modules. Seminars start next week, so my timetable will increase with a tooootal of…. 2 things to do a day. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining at all – we haven’t begun to study things properly, but it’s very interesting even now. Especially with Mr. Freud… the id, the ego, the superego, consciousness, preconsciousness, unconsciousness…. And all I have to do is just read my textbooks, while some of my friends have tons of computer programs to understand – they had an assignment the first week, to make a game of Hangman. So, no, I’m definitely not complaining about my timetable. However, I wouldn’t have minded having a little diversity on our flat. Almost all of our flatmates are British and are acting as if they’ve known each other for years, they’re just like one big, weird, happy family… And my friend and I are their veeeeeery distant Bulgarian relatives. They’re all nice, if we don’t count that they drink almost every night and I don’t drink at all. Maybe I’m just too introverted and have a hard time making new friends, I dunno. I’m even afraid to tell them my birthday is next week. Aah, my birthday – I almost forgot it’s coming. And I have abso-bloody-lutely no idea what to do then. Not the best place to be a non-drinker as well… At least I found a decent vegetarian store so it’s all good.

Man, I haven’t written any scribbles in ages! I have really let myself go. All the adjustment in a new place’s not doing me any good either. I hope that will end soon, ‘cause I can’t wait to write another piece of pure depression! xD

Welcome to Great Britain!

Well, I had the best day of my life… and now I had the worst. Getting to Aberystwyth was a total nightmare! I got here 4 days ago but now I have the time to sit down and pay some attention to this blog. So… 26th September 2009 – crying (again) at the airport in Bulgaria, the flight was like getting on a rollercoaster, and after that I was too busy running and dragging my damn suitcase. When we arrived at Gatwick airport we had one hour to catch our train. And we thought everything would be ok……. We spent 10 min or so walking through so many corridors I forgot where we were. Then of course I made a blunder. While they were stamping my passport I dropped something on the ground, kneeled down to pick it up and then my rucksack dragged me down…. and I fell on my butt. (Stop laughing damn it!) I broke my sunglasses, not that I need them here, it’s been cloudy ever since we arrived. So after the passport thingy we spent another 20 minutes waiting for our luggage, my suitcase handle was broken or course, and till we get to the train station, our train was gone. We asked if our tickets could work for a later travelling, I showed the ticked reference code and the card I bought them with online, the man checked in the computer…. and said this was not the card they were bought with and began to look at me as if I’m a violator or something. So we bought new tickets… and this is where the fun began. We had to catch a train to get to London bridge, from there we took the underground to get to Euston station, and from there we had to take the train to Birmingham. And the whole time we were running like hell and dragging rucksacks, laptops, suitcases weighing 30 kgs total up and down elevators and stairs… With just 2 hours of sleep the night before, I still wonder how we survived. When we took the Birmingham train we had an hour and a half to travel with it, so we managed to rest a little. From there we took the train to Aberystwyth, met other Bulgarians… and we got there… here, I mean. But it was horrible. I don’t know if I want to go back the same way for the Christmas vacation. Since then we’ve been going to seminars, welcome meetings, today we registered in the university, but I still haven’t got my timetables with my lectures so I’m still nervous. At least I managed to buy the new AFI CD – that’s all that matters. xD That’s it for now, wish me good luck in adapting to wherever I’ve fallen into.

A Farewell to Joe

Well, that’s it – my last night in Bulgaria. I knew it’s going to be tough, but this is just ridiculous – I haven’t stop crying for…. a week maybe, and today I saw my father cry for the second time in my life. It wasn’t funny even when he gave me ‘that’ speech. I’m not regretting my decision and I haven’t regretted it for one second… but it still sucks…. I’m not dying to get the hell away from my parents, but once I get on the plane, I think I’ll cool down – it will be all over. This week has been dragging so slowly, I just want it to end. So… that’s it from here. No scribbles, sorry, I couldn’t think of anything (actually, be happy, you don’t have to read another piece of crap xD – yaaay, a smiley face).

To all my friends who I hope will read this blog from time to time to see if I’m alive – I love you, I’ll miss you like hell, sorry for all the times when I hurt you…. I’ll see you soon :] Ah, Fuck It, I’m going on tour, see ya in 3 months!!!

A Calm Before the Storm

I forgot I have a blog, didn’t I? I’m not even that busy – just counting down the days left till I leave for university. 2 weeks left – yesterday were 2 months…time sure flies by. I’m getting more and more nervous by the minute. The good part is that I overcame the phase of wondering what the hell I’m doing and why I’m going there in the first place. But then I kicked my ass and got over it… at least I hope so. The studying part is not what freaks me out that much, it’s the whole “new place, new people, new whatever” thing. Never been a big fan of changes. But I know if I don’t do it now, I’ll regret for the rest of my life. Plus I won’t be losing my nerves all the time, I’ll have fun, have new friends, learn something useful, go to concerts….. buy CDs….. especially buy CDs. xD So I’ll have hard time for a few months and then I’m sure I’ll do something stupid like I always do. xD But I would have already got used to my new life… That sounded reaally weird.

I haven’t written anything in a very long time. As usual I have tons of ideas but no time to sit down alone with my thoughts to put them into another depressing scribble. Something always comes up, I have to get out of my house as fast as I can, or I’m just too tired/lazy to write something. I’m sure my muse will kick in as soon as I settle in university. There’s gonna be a lot of gloomy scribbles then, I’m sure. But for now I’ll try to enjoy what time I have left with my closest people here… and try to finally write something, damn it!