Depression obviously also has negative effects on productivity. 'Cause the lines I wrote last night are the WORST crap I've ever come up with! I have to post them somewhere before throwing the piece of paper they're on as a reminder never to write something as cheesy as that again! It's an abomination among all abominations! (There's seriously something wrong with me). I think I've begun losing my mind for the past week. Actually, I began losing it loong, long ago, but these days it's getting worse. Plus, I finished reading Jhonen Vasquez's "Squee!" and "I Feel Sick" for just 4 days and that contributes to my growing insanity. It's the only thing I have to do for fun anyway. I think there's also something wrong with my eyes. They really began to hurt and tears are coming out all the time, even if I'm not crying. Not that I don't want to cry, oh no. I want to scream, I want to shout, I want to drown in tears if that'll help me feel better. But I doubt it. You can destroy the outside, but you can't destroy what's inside of you without killing yourself too. I may have thrown the razor, but I still have other things - I mean, looking at the poll, I can find some things from there at home.... University, family, friends, life, future - I don't really care about all that now. Why should I? One by one, they all start to disappear. My friends mostly. I can't blame them - how can I expect someone to like me (hell forbid - even love me) when even I don't like myself? So many lyrics go around my head right now, some of them encouraging me to stay here, others - to just end it all. I tried to be strong, but it doesn't work. Everyone seems to always be right, to always make me feel guilty about everything.... and they have finally succeeded. I don't wanna fight about anything anymore. I give up. Spin me around all you want, do whatever you want with me - you broke my will and I broke myself.

People say they don't care, but they do...
All they ever want is to hear someone else cares too.
People say love is dead - it's all a lie.
They only want someone's cold caress before they die...

Good-bye... for now, or forever - I don't know. :]

P.S. - For all the pain and shit I caused everyone - I'm sorry. I'm sorry you ever met me.